After being married for almost 2 years I realize that I took this whole getting married thingy very lightly and that I wasn’t prepared for what was coming at all. I have never been one of those girls who have been dreaming about a fairy tale wedding all their life and have everything planed out because for me it was clear from a very young age that I am going to have an arranged Marriage because in Pakistani culture that’s the common way to get married. That means that everything would be handled by my parents, which I didn’t mind after all parents only want the best for their kids.
Looking back everything went well until after the wedding. That was when reality hit me really hard and I started asking myself what have I got myself into? For girls who grew up in Pakistan all the following things might be not a big deal as they are familiar with the whole process and see how people live after getting married in Pakistan but for me everything was new and not so familiar than I thought. So here are a few things I wish I would have known before or have been prepared for.
Once the Bride always the Bride
Apparently it’s normal for newlywed girls to look like a bride for even months after the wedding. So you are supposed to Dress up, glam up and wear as much jewelry as possible for as long as possible for other people to see from an 1 km distance that you recently got married. To be honest that was very difficult for me to do as I prefer to dress in a very light and simple way maybe because I have spend the biggest part of my life in Germany and have adapted that simple style in dressing as well. Plus these cloths are very heavy and it is so awkward to be so overdressed when everyone else is walking around casually. Thank god that phase is over now.
Any good news yet?
Another thing which annoyed me a lot were the elderly Aunts who started asking for good news a month after the wedding. I mean first of all it´s none of your business and second of all why would I tell you even if there were any? The best part about it is they keep asking month after month and start giving tips and tricks on how to get the good news faster. Very awkward.
Here in Pakistan you don’t just marry the guy you merry the whole family especially when you marry into a joint family system. Once the last wedding guests leave and life gets back to the daily routine the next challenge starts which means you need to figure out how to fit into this new family and make the transition from being the newcomer to becoming a part of the family. This can be a very challenging as every family has different values and traditions. The difficulty of this situation even increases more for someone who is an introvert.
Adjusting with each other
No matter how much you know each other and how good your understanding is before getting married but once you start living together you face a few adjustment problems as a newlywed couple. It can be little things like the likeness in food maybe one of you likes spicy food and the other one likes to have a little more spicy food. In this situation and at this point of the relationship it is very important to talk to each other and communicate with each other what is disturbing you to make the future better for both of you.
These are a few things I found challenging in the first year of my marriage but I was lucky to have very supportive and caring people with me during this time which made the whole journey a lot easier.